reconciliation

I have many parts of my identity, I am a daughter, a sister, a lover, a teacher, a woman, a girl, a liberal, a feminist, a cradle ELCA member (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America), a "Blue", and many many other things.
Today a large chunk of my identity felt completely invalidated by another part of my identity. A HUGE part of my interpretation of third wave feminism is rights for the LGBT community, so as you can imagine, I was overjoyed when my church, the ELCA, approved the "Human Sexuality: Gift and Trust" social statement and the new "Actions on Ministry Policies" which tries to validate homosexual relationships. However, my joy was, and still is, very much tempered by the reactions that these actions have gotten from my area of the country (South Dakota).
The specific reason I feel so torn is because of my deep love for my church/denomination. It breaks my heart to see them so divided over something like this, that I myself have incredibly firm beliefs on. I value our theology of grace so highly, and I value the unity of our church, and how our differences and variety makes us strong. I honestly can't see myself being anything other than Lutheran. I also can't see myself being anything other than a human rights activist and feminist. And right now, these parts of myself aren't sure how to play nice with each other in the context of this issue and my membership in my home congregation.
I understand that many of our members grew up in a time where this was absolutely not ok, and I can't fault them for the society they grew up in. And I don't know what is going to happen to make them feel "ok" about this all, and if that involves leaving the ELCA, where does that leave my family? Where does that leave my parents, when my father has been an ordained pastor for 20 years, and this is his lifetime career? They can't change now, for one thing, my mom especially has about 5 million pre existing conditions, and they need the ELCA Board of Pensions insurance and pension itself.
Basically, the "equality now" and "unity in the body of Christ and especially the ELCA" are not sure how to function with each other.
See, as a feminist, I guess what I'm supposed to believe is that everyone deserves equality right now, but growing up in the church's politics has made me realize how set in their ways people can be. I feel like a bad feminist for saying this, but I don't think the time was right for these things to take place, in my mind, it was high time, but in the mind of the church as a whole, about 10 more years would have been appreciated. And I feel like it’s arrogant of me to disregard the feelings of the church as a whole, but at the same time I stand firm behind my convictions.
So, I’ve decided I’ve come to the conclusion of “I don’t know.” I think the best thing I can do is vote with my convictions and leave the rest to God tomorrow and in the following weeks and months to come. I just hope that that will be enough.
Grace and Peace
Sarah

Christmas

I know, I know, May isn't the best time in the world to talk about Christmas, but reruns of one of my favorite shows know no season.
Christmas, to me, is my family. I didn't realize how much it means to me until this year, being away from home and away from my family. Also, dating someone who's pretty close to being anti family doesn't help when I'm feeling homesick for my family and my traditions, since he has nothing of that sort to compare my feelings to.
Christmas is a crazy stressful and exhausting time in our household, because my dad's busy working so much to make christmas for everyone else. Also, since my sisters and I are all musically inclined, we tended to have 5 bazillion concerts to go to/perform in. But my mom and I have always tried our hardest to make the actual Christmas at the Holz household a combination of family tradition and low stress. We're the masters of lazy person Christmas. Sometimes the tree only gets a strand or 2 of lights, sometimes we go all out, there are certain christmas songs that must be played, and on no uncertain terms, John Denver and The Muppets must accompany the present unwrapping. Also, AEbelskivers must be eaten on either christmas eve or christmas day. mmmmm...AEbelskivers....mmmm

Anyways, watching the Christmas episode of Studio 60 made me think of that, and of my family, and now I miss them a lot.

In other news, I bought some new face scrub today, and I'm not sure if I like it or not. It kind of left an oily residue, but it has salicylic acid in it, and no parabens, so I dunno, we'll see how it does on my "Pre Finals Stress Breakout" and reserve judgement till next week.

TTFN
Sarah

insomnia, bad music across the hall, and loving life

It's almost 2 in the morning, and I should be asleep, but luckily, I don't have class until 3 tomorrow! woot!

I've got a variety of subjects to wax poetical about today, so bear with me!

First, language and body image (and how they coincide)

My mom and I used to play a game. We'd listen to NPR and if there was a word I didn't know, I'd ask her what it was, and have her use it in a sentence. Afterwards, I would add it to my already prodigious vocabulary for a toddler, and use it when the opportunity arose. Mom's favorite story that was a result of this game was when I told a babysitter that "The full moon is so romantic." That was about when I was 4.

16 years later, the days of me not knowing what a word means are few and far between, but when I was home for Christmas this past December, she taught me a word that got me on a road to change my life. I had decided to wear footless tights with a houndstooth pattern on them that I had gotten at Target (forgive me, I'm a recovering fashion addict, and still get excited about clothes occasionally) That night, mom told me I looked lovely in the tights, then called me "a zaftig beauty" I (at 175 pounds) had suffered at the hands of the fashion industry and media, and considered myself "fat." It was, in fact, a big step out of my comfort zone to wear tights, since I feel really self conscious of my thick ankles.

I looked at mom all funny like and said "Zaftig?" She said, yeah, it means being curvy, and luscious and stuff like that. So, that day I decided I wasn't allowed to think of myself as "fat" I'm a "Zaftig beauty" and damn proud of it.

Second, I'm jonesing for some food, dude.

I'm not talking about the institutional CRAP that aramark feeds us. I'm talking about cooking something, being creative, going with whatever happens to be in the fridge, and also, eggs. I love eggs, I love to make pretty much anything that requires an egg, my favorite is poached, or scrambled, or eggs in a basket, or soufflés, or panakukken, or well, pretty much anything that requires eggs.

Anyways, I really want an omelette, I've been fantasizing about it all night. We'll start by sautéing some baby spinach and some diced tomatoes in a frying pan with a little olive oil. then set the veggies aside, saving the oil, and start to cook up the eggs (with a splash of milk in them, it's the secret to good scrambled eggs I think) and then...wait for it...PESTO! I discovered pesto about a year ago, and was like "OMG where have you been all my life?" It's delicious, and salty, and garlicky and YUMMMMM! Also, it's a technicolor green from the basil, and everybody loves fun colored food! Anyways, after we add the pesto, we'll cook up the eggs until they're almost not quite ready, then add the veggies and some feta cheese. but not too much, because feta cheese is like spiderman, you have to treat it bearing in mind that "with great power comes great responsibility!" (I totally came up with that analogy by myself, I feel proud of that)

So yeah, I've been fantasizing about this with some whole wheat toast like all night, which is just a cumulation of me fantasizing about real food all week. (but such is the life of a college student, where we subsist on pb&j and whatever crap we can afford at aramark aka the fried shit that's super bad for you)

There was something else I was going to talk about...but I can't remember, oh wait, it was about the assailant who keeps attacking women on my campus. I'm way to tired and crabby to talk about that tonight, perhaps we'll rant tomorrow, eh?

Sarah