Pettyness, 0 Comments, and a Head Overflowing

Well, first off I know I'm being petty. My mom's sick and dad's trying to get everything ready for my grandparents. This is one of my least favorite qualities about myself, I despise cleaning house so much that I practically cannot force myself to help during one of the cleaning frenzies. I haven't figured it out at all. My version of cleaning is pitching the junk mail, Loading the dishwasher, and sweeping the floors, anything beyond that and I'm so not the girl for you. Anyways, I'm all gussied up looking like a girl with the understanding that a trip to the DMV was in order for today, however dad's still in a cleaning frenzy.
It's so petty that I'm getting so worked up about this...I mean I've waited 18 years, another weekend won't kill me right? I should be out there helping someone get ready for the whirlwind that is my nana, but I just can't roust myself from the chair and stop dwelling on how much I just want my independence. That's really why I'm so anxious to get it. I hate depending on my friends and on my dad (especially on my dad) to cart me around, there's a car out in my driveway that I am paying for, that is MINE and I can't drive it without wheedling and wearing down my dad.
If you haven't figured it out yet, we aren't close, dad and I. Everyone else in the world seems to think we are, but really, we don't ever talk, and we disagree on most everything from the mundane stuff like what to have for dinner to our views on gay marriage and abortion. Mom being pretty much out of commission all week has pretty much made life unbearable for me, she's always the one I go to if I need help or a ride or just someone to talk to. But now all she can concentrate on is getting better, and I don't begrudge her that, but it means that all of my petitions and querys I usually take to her now have to go to dad, whom I avoid talking to on principle.
I don't really talk to anyone. Most people have a friend or confidante that they tell everything to, but as the saying goes, once burned twice shy. I've always just used journaling or blogging to siphon off the spleen I feel towards adults in my life, or my elation at a happy event, or how much I love certain people. But those are private. They are my private thoughts. They are for me. I have no readers on this blog, although I do address it to the gentle reader, but I like it that way. It's kind of daring to have this blog out there, hiding in plain sight. I even have the link up on facebook, but I'm reasonably sure no one's followed it. I think it's just in my nature to keep all of those thoughts to myself. I'm afraid if someone found the real me, I'd never be able to speak to them again. This is why I can't stay involved with the online communities I join, I really do try, but can't seem to make connections with people.
I'm running out of things to say at the moment, but trust me, I will come up with more eventually...
Thespianically
Sarah

Boxed In

I'm getting jittery, like a junkie without her fix. I'm going to fly into a million pieces if I don't get out of here soon. How can everyone else in my family be totally ok with just sitting around here? Before, shows were to keep me from dwelling on my sadness, because if I slowed down the depression took over. Now it seems like if I'm not doing something I'm pacing holes in the floor.
I just want to get in my car and drive. I don't even know where, maybe to Canyon Lake, maybe out to Lutes' house, maybe just around the block, but I can't of course. No one except me is in any rush to let me get my license any time soon, let alone insure me. The car was supposed to be my "symbol of independence" well right now, it's just a reminder of my dependance on everyone else. I'm so sick of bumming rides off of people and being trapped in this house. I just need to do something...I envy mary so much, she's always taken the liberty of giving herself independence, and I can't. I seriously feel trapped right now, I have ever since dad got home. It's hard for us to be in the same room again.
I seriously almost snapped because I can't find out how to remove the red squiggly lines that say I "misspelled" something from my web browser, I'm getting wound way to tight right now, can we say cabin fever? I'm pretty sure that's what it is, restlessness, insomnia, irritability, etc.
Of course then there's the fact that I'm 5 days away from high school graduation and I'm so impatient to get this over with. I'm sick and tired of high school and all the trouble that goes with it.
As I'm sitting here randomly thinking of things to say, on the floor above me my mother and sister are having yet another blow out fight. I believe the source is the fact that Anna left her car running in the driveway for 4 hours today, engine on and everything. Let me point out that she's been driving for longer than I have, and mom and dad practically gave her that car on a silver platter, no loans for her, it was gifted. Well, understandably, mom and dad are pissed, and I think might have revoked her driving privileges for an undetermined amount of time. Anna also happens to have a god complex and thinks that the world revolves around her and her troubles are the deepest of anyones in the world. I do have to feel a little smug but at the same time annoyed though. My sister has managed to lock her keys in the car 3 times in the past month, and 2 of those times the car was running. And they trusted her with driving before they trusted me. Explain that one to me.
Well, I'm going to sign off for now
Fare thee well gentle reader
Sarah

As My Year Draws To A Close

My last post was very depressing, so I'm going to follow with a better one.
We had senior speeches saturday night, and it was really great, but so twilight zoney to actually be one of the ones giving a speech. I mean, I sat through them all last year and the year before and I could never really imagine myself giving one. I'm not going to miss a lot of things about high school, but I know I'm going to miss those kids. I can't wait to get out of here, 8.5 more days!!!!!
I bought a car a couple of weeks ago. She's a white 2 door Nissan 200sx, and I love her. Her name is Stella (like stella kowalski), yesterday mom took me out to checker and bought me some mats and a super cool steering wheel cover. And I got a really sweet pair of sunglasses, so Stella and I are totally styling!