To prove how much of a funk I'm in, let me start by saying that my mom just told me that my grandparents are giving me a trip to NYC for graduation and I could barely muster a smile.
Oh where to start, where to start? Everything just seems to be hitting me in the face this weekend. I guess prom is as good a place to start as any, since you already know about the play.
The plan was that Laurie and Holly and Megan and Nikki and I were all going to go to prom together...that was until scott showed up. I haven't heard anything from her in a week or more, so I'm assuming that plan went ~tthpt~ It's officially to late to come up with a plan B and since I was going alone basically, I can't just rally the troops and plan a romantic dinner at McDonalds. Everyone already has plans, and so I'm SOL (shit outta luck, not Seasons of Love). I don't want to just show up at prom by myself, since that's probably just about as lame as you can get. On the other hand, it's my senior prom, and I've heard tell that it's kinda important.
So, that's really bumming me out right now, it's also making the fact that I don't have close friends glaringly obvious. Usually I'm ok with that fact, really I am, but I'm just thinking, you know, a few years from now when people are looking through their yearbooks, they're gonna see me and think "who was that girl, I don't remember her" I hate how hard it is for me to make close friends. It leads me to believe that there's something wrong with me...any thoughts on the subject gentle reader?
This all leads to my thoughts on how lame my senior year has been. Nothing awesome has happened to me...I (still) didn't get my license, I didn't get any halfway decent parts in any shows, I didn't get into all state, didn't find romance, where I stand with God is getting harder and harder to figure out, I don't have any plans for next year, I'm probably never going to be able to afford college, I'm not going to prom, I lost 3 more friends to circumstances beyond my control, 2 of which I was actually well on my way to trusting, I've gained 15 pounds since the school year started, my family has been more dysfunctional than usual. And yadda yadda yadda. If you've stuck this far with me, congratulations, if you're disgusted with this post, I don't blame you.
That's another thing. I'm always the self sacrificing, stoic one. I actually usually feel little to no pity for people who post shit like this. I try my damndest not to be the selfish sister, if I'm feeling like shit I try not to show it, I keep all my jealousys to myself, I'm damn good at being happy for people when on the inside I feel like screaming and ripping their hearts out. I never do anything about crushes I have...especially not if they're over someone who shows even the slightest inkling that they might be remotely interested in someone else.
Well, it's nearly midnight, perhaps I'll add some more to this tomorrow, or maybe I'll actually be feeling ok? who knows.
Thespianically
Sarah
Sunday, April 13, 2008
the end of another chapter
We closed last night. It's bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter, at least right now. Yeah, it's sad that it was this family's last mainstage show together, but I'm so ready to be done with all of the shit I've been through at stevens. It's kinda cool that I stuck it out though...that we all stuck it out together. I know we're not all kissy kissy, I'd be a naive fool to believe that, but I think we've finally come to realize that we're all on the same side, so to speak.
I'd like to leave you all with a thought that has been swirling around in my head recently. Mahatma Gandhi once said "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." I'm leaving that thought for you, gentle reader. I've become changes, now it's your turn.
Thespianically Yours.
Sarah.
I'd like to leave you all with a thought that has been swirling around in my head recently. Mahatma Gandhi once said "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." I'm leaving that thought for you, gentle reader. I've become changes, now it's your turn.
Thespianically Yours.
Sarah.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Confliction and Confusion
Wednesday night I went to bible study after rehearsal, and we talked about how people hurt us and what we can do to...I don't know...forgive and pray for them.
It really got me thinking about Pops concert and Mrs. Southwick. I'm kinda sick of carrying around this resentment towards her, and I don't want the likes of her prohibiting me from doing the stuff I love (namely making a performance be as amazing as it can be.) I'm just not sure though...What if what happened at rarities happens again? Does the risk of Mrs. Southwick outweigh the love I have for tech?
Last night was opening night...it was kinda rough, we had some miscommunication between the booth and backstage, and there were some technical difficulties with the set, but we survived. After, we went to perkins and came up with two of the best quotes ever "Who needs a condom when you have a belly button?" and "I'll have your finest blueberry muffin please" I love going to perkins after shows SO much, but I hate going to school the next morning, it's so tiring!
Tonight was also interesting. We had major drama in the dressing rooms. Lytle for reasons unknown got all pissy at us for our preshow rituals, threatening to make them stop because they "get us out of character" We were so upset we had to call Aric to come and give us a pep talk, since he's amazing at those. Then people were at each other's throats and I seriously yelled out in the makeup room "Can we at least TRY to get along tonight? There's already enough conflict, we're never gonna survive unless we are a united front!" We did our rituals with more fire and passion than we've ever done them...and I think it really brought us together, albeit we were being brought together by our disgust with Lytle.
Goddamn I'm gonna miss my girls next year...Katy, Angela, Rachel, Kerry, Jett, Chelsea...they're the sweetest things ever. During vaginas it made me so sad to think about leaving them! I'm going to be a wreck at the show tomorrow (or is it today now, since it's past midnight?)
Oh, and there was some other issues tonight too, like the headsets doing weird things and the works and electrics swaying like they were going to fall at any moment. I think Sparky was pissed off on our behalf, which is nice to think about, but couldn't he take out his frustration in a less...freaky way? Another theory we had was that he was feeding off of our negative energy we were giving off because of our frustration with Lytle.
Well anyways, I'm going to go get some shuteye, fare thee well gentle reader
Thespianically
Sarah
It really got me thinking about Pops concert and Mrs. Southwick. I'm kinda sick of carrying around this resentment towards her, and I don't want the likes of her prohibiting me from doing the stuff I love (namely making a performance be as amazing as it can be.) I'm just not sure though...What if what happened at rarities happens again? Does the risk of Mrs. Southwick outweigh the love I have for tech?
Last night was opening night...it was kinda rough, we had some miscommunication between the booth and backstage, and there were some technical difficulties with the set, but we survived. After, we went to perkins and came up with two of the best quotes ever "Who needs a condom when you have a belly button?" and "I'll have your finest blueberry muffin please" I love going to perkins after shows SO much, but I hate going to school the next morning, it's so tiring!
Tonight was also interesting. We had major drama in the dressing rooms. Lytle for reasons unknown got all pissy at us for our preshow rituals, threatening to make them stop because they "get us out of character" We were so upset we had to call Aric to come and give us a pep talk, since he's amazing at those. Then people were at each other's throats and I seriously yelled out in the makeup room "Can we at least TRY to get along tonight? There's already enough conflict, we're never gonna survive unless we are a united front!" We did our rituals with more fire and passion than we've ever done them...and I think it really brought us together, albeit we were being brought together by our disgust with Lytle.
Goddamn I'm gonna miss my girls next year...Katy, Angela, Rachel, Kerry, Jett, Chelsea...they're the sweetest things ever. During vaginas it made me so sad to think about leaving them! I'm going to be a wreck at the show tomorrow (or is it today now, since it's past midnight?)
Oh, and there was some other issues tonight too, like the headsets doing weird things and the works and electrics swaying like they were going to fall at any moment. I think Sparky was pissed off on our behalf, which is nice to think about, but couldn't he take out his frustration in a less...freaky way? Another theory we had was that he was feeding off of our negative energy we were giving off because of our frustration with Lytle.
Well anyways, I'm going to go get some shuteye, fare thee well gentle reader
Thespianically
Sarah
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Condoms and Wig Tape
Well, they definitly have been the theme of the past few days. I've been skipping gym to pay for them, since it costs to go bowling and I spent all of my extra cashmoola on condoms for the lav body packs and wig tape to attach the actors to the mics. Last night was our first (and only real) dress rehearsal, complete with makeup, sound, lights, crew, etc. That in itself was interesting, since a bunch of the crew have been ~ahem~ slacking off and not coming to rehearsal. But, on the other hand, I love seeing a show come together like it did last night. Of course there were some kinks we had to work out, and I spent most of intermission yelling on my headset in the vain hope that someone backstage would notice that obscene words were coming out of the stage manager box, but on the whole the run through wasn't bad at all.
However, there's always that one thing that makes the mostly smooth clip come to a screetching halt...and last night it was the lighting cues. Mr. Evans was gone yesterday, and the sub let some freshmen (who we believe to be viola players) into the booth to do sectionals. Now I have known a fair number of incredibly smart, talented, mature, responsible freshmen, but on the whole, they don't have the brains god gave to retarded chickens! Well, we're not entirely sure how they managed it, but one of them managed to erase and entire acts worth of light presets. Yes. They were gone, and we had to reprogram the board in about 5 minutes. All I have to say on that subject is that Jett and J.P. are AMAZING!
At this very moment the freshmen in question are probably having a little chat with mr. jordan and mr. evans...if I were them I'd be more afraid of mr. evans!
Ok, so, today I was in the library typing up Governing Alice (at the present rate I'm going, I'll be done by next summer) and the librarians start getting on my case about a 2 dollar book fine. I told them that I won't have any money until next week, and I must admit I got a little snappy with them, and finally they told me that they had started not letting people use the library if they had fines. So without a word I got up and left. I love being like that to people like them who think that I'm so worthless. What they don't understand is if they treat me like crap, I'll do it right back.
After I storm out in a wave of righteous annoyance, I went to Mr. Lytle's room to use his computer (its a great thing being an ATP kid, we can get away with murder and he wouldn't care.) They were talking random stuff like props and Lytle would sometimes throw a question out to me like "whats the number one rule in theatre" at which I yelled back "for the love of all things holy, if it isn't yours, don't touch it!!!!" It was kinda funny. But the real kicker was when the class was over. There was a Trojan wrapper in the garbage because I had shoved a wrapper into my pocket last night and this morning I found it and threw it away. The guys in his class were like "WTF why is there a condom wrapper in the garbage Lytle?" So, without batting an eye, Lytle points to me and says "Ask Sarah, she's the expert in condom usages!" They were totally freaked at this point and I laughed and told them about using them for body packs. I love being a theatre kid...we have the do the weirdest stuff in our free time...like lying upside down on a staircase to paint the underside of a railing (I did that yesterday too) and buying condoms for use with microphones. Our lives are weird and we find it oh so very amusing.
Well, I've bored you enough for one day gentle reader
Adieu
Sarah
However, there's always that one thing that makes the mostly smooth clip come to a screetching halt...and last night it was the lighting cues. Mr. Evans was gone yesterday, and the sub let some freshmen (who we believe to be viola players) into the booth to do sectionals. Now I have known a fair number of incredibly smart, talented, mature, responsible freshmen, but on the whole, they don't have the brains god gave to retarded chickens! Well, we're not entirely sure how they managed it, but one of them managed to erase and entire acts worth of light presets. Yes. They were gone, and we had to reprogram the board in about 5 minutes. All I have to say on that subject is that Jett and J.P. are AMAZING!
At this very moment the freshmen in question are probably having a little chat with mr. jordan and mr. evans...if I were them I'd be more afraid of mr. evans!
Ok, so, today I was in the library typing up Governing Alice (at the present rate I'm going, I'll be done by next summer) and the librarians start getting on my case about a 2 dollar book fine. I told them that I won't have any money until next week, and I must admit I got a little snappy with them, and finally they told me that they had started not letting people use the library if they had fines. So without a word I got up and left. I love being like that to people like them who think that I'm so worthless. What they don't understand is if they treat me like crap, I'll do it right back.
After I storm out in a wave of righteous annoyance, I went to Mr. Lytle's room to use his computer (its a great thing being an ATP kid, we can get away with murder and he wouldn't care.) They were talking random stuff like props and Lytle would sometimes throw a question out to me like "whats the number one rule in theatre" at which I yelled back "for the love of all things holy, if it isn't yours, don't touch it!!!!" It was kinda funny. But the real kicker was when the class was over. There was a Trojan wrapper in the garbage because I had shoved a wrapper into my pocket last night and this morning I found it and threw it away. The guys in his class were like "WTF why is there a condom wrapper in the garbage Lytle?" So, without batting an eye, Lytle points to me and says "Ask Sarah, she's the expert in condom usages!" They were totally freaked at this point and I laughed and told them about using them for body packs. I love being a theatre kid...we have the do the weirdest stuff in our free time...like lying upside down on a staircase to paint the underside of a railing (I did that yesterday too) and buying condoms for use with microphones. Our lives are weird and we find it oh so very amusing.
Well, I've bored you enough for one day gentle reader
Adieu
Sarah
Monday, April 7, 2008
First Post
I don't even remember making this blog...seriously. BUT I guess I'll use it.
So today hell week starts. We open Noises Off on Thursday, but actually, I think we might just be ready! I'm sound head, which isn't too bad, I'm mostly by myself (well, Rachel's up there too, but she really doesn't know anything yet) which means that I don't have to argue with anyone or answer to anyone. I just do my thing.
I don't really like the play itself, I'm not a big fan of farces, but as an objective observer, it is really funny, and its the kind of funny the average Stevens High School Student would understand. The best part is probably the second act...because I actually get to sit and enjoy that act, as it were, since there are next to no sound cues. No, but seriously, y'all should go see it!
I'm writing an "idiot's guide" to the sound system for posterity, since it took me 3 years to learn enough to keep the thing from exploding...I figure I'll give the underclassmen a break and just write down everything I've learned from trial and error so they don't have to go through the hell I did. I'm also trying to write it in regular English that doesn't take a degree in sound engineering to figure out.
In my personal life...I'm feeling a bit...abandoned. Again. As usual. One of my good friends has discovered "love" and now I never get to see her. It's kind of frustrating being in this situation yet again. It seems like ever since I moved here, its been a series of these painful splits in friendships...but of course the one time I got out before I could get burned, I still felt awful, and just recently have I actually explained my reasoning to the person I did it to. Maybe thats really all that life is...a series of painful burns that you just have to live with and keep moving. It really sucks though, now that I think about it...because looking with a clear and rational mind, the person who most recently burned me just seems more likely to do that sort of thing, whereas the person I burned would probably never in a million years do something like that to me. Shows you how smart I am.
Well, I'd best be on my way, so until next time gentle reader
Thespianically yours
Sarah
So today hell week starts. We open Noises Off on Thursday, but actually, I think we might just be ready! I'm sound head, which isn't too bad, I'm mostly by myself (well, Rachel's up there too, but she really doesn't know anything yet) which means that I don't have to argue with anyone or answer to anyone. I just do my thing.
I don't really like the play itself, I'm not a big fan of farces, but as an objective observer, it is really funny, and its the kind of funny the average Stevens High School Student would understand. The best part is probably the second act...because I actually get to sit and enjoy that act, as it were, since there are next to no sound cues. No, but seriously, y'all should go see it!
I'm writing an "idiot's guide" to the sound system for posterity, since it took me 3 years to learn enough to keep the thing from exploding...I figure I'll give the underclassmen a break and just write down everything I've learned from trial and error so they don't have to go through the hell I did. I'm also trying to write it in regular English that doesn't take a degree in sound engineering to figure out.
In my personal life...I'm feeling a bit...abandoned. Again. As usual. One of my good friends has discovered "love" and now I never get to see her. It's kind of frustrating being in this situation yet again. It seems like ever since I moved here, its been a series of these painful splits in friendships...but of course the one time I got out before I could get burned, I still felt awful, and just recently have I actually explained my reasoning to the person I did it to. Maybe thats really all that life is...a series of painful burns that you just have to live with and keep moving. It really sucks though, now that I think about it...because looking with a clear and rational mind, the person who most recently burned me just seems more likely to do that sort of thing, whereas the person I burned would probably never in a million years do something like that to me. Shows you how smart I am.
Well, I'd best be on my way, so until next time gentle reader
Thespianically yours
Sarah
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