Well, first off I know I'm being petty. My mom's sick and dad's trying to get everything ready for my grandparents. This is one of my least favorite qualities about myself, I despise cleaning house so much that I practically cannot force myself to help during one of the cleaning frenzies. I haven't figured it out at all. My version of cleaning is pitching the junk mail, Loading the dishwasher, and sweeping the floors, anything beyond that and I'm so not the girl for you. Anyways, I'm all gussied up looking like a girl with the understanding that a trip to the DMV was in order for today, however dad's still in a cleaning frenzy.
It's so petty that I'm getting so worked up about this...I mean I've waited 18 years, another weekend won't kill me right? I should be out there helping someone get ready for the whirlwind that is my nana, but I just can't roust myself from the chair and stop dwelling on how much I just want my independence. That's really why I'm so anxious to get it. I hate depending on my friends and on my dad (especially on my dad) to cart me around, there's a car out in my driveway that I am paying for, that is MINE and I can't drive it without wheedling and wearing down my dad.
If you haven't figured it out yet, we aren't close, dad and I. Everyone else in the world seems to think we are, but really, we don't ever talk, and we disagree on most everything from the mundane stuff like what to have for dinner to our views on gay marriage and abortion. Mom being pretty much out of commission all week has pretty much made life unbearable for me, she's always the one I go to if I need help or a ride or just someone to talk to. But now all she can concentrate on is getting better, and I don't begrudge her that, but it means that all of my petitions and querys I usually take to her now have to go to dad, whom I avoid talking to on principle.
I don't really talk to anyone. Most people have a friend or confidante that they tell everything to, but as the saying goes, once burned twice shy. I've always just used journaling or blogging to siphon off the spleen I feel towards adults in my life, or my elation at a happy event, or how much I love certain people. But those are private. They are my private thoughts. They are for me. I have no readers on this blog, although I do address it to the gentle reader, but I like it that way. It's kind of daring to have this blog out there, hiding in plain sight. I even have the link up on facebook, but I'm reasonably sure no one's followed it. I think it's just in my nature to keep all of those thoughts to myself. I'm afraid if someone found the real me, I'd never be able to speak to them again. This is why I can't stay involved with the online communities I join, I really do try, but can't seem to make connections with people.
I'm running out of things to say at the moment, but trust me, I will come up with more eventually...
Thespianically
Sarah
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